You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my being single is dangerous.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
