I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
