By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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