I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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