this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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