That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
