hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
