I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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