Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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