wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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