I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
