She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize