It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
