i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
