She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Pants are for mortals
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
