I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
