did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
only you would photoshop your dick
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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