He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
