What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
