I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
