he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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