Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
