Sry I called you an 8
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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