Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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