we're chasing vodka with high fives
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
