maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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