I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize