I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
