last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
