I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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