I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
