so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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