my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
