lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
