I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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