i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
