there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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