your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This couple is walking their pig around campus
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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