can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
