dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
did i just pee glitter
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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