it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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