i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
