just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
