Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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