nut hugger
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
