1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
