So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
