im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
