omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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