We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
