this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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