if only i could text you this smell
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize