my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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