I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
