I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
