I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
