I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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