The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
