Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
