I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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