You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
