I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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