was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the day after is always just damage control
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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