I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
