you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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